I'm not Him
by xEmmie-kinZx
Summary: Toris was Ivan's property, whether he liked it or not. But whilst he was physically possesed by a monster, his heart belonged to someone far better. PolandxLithuania


**Back when Lithuania was under the rule of Russia**

**Toris had hell to pay no matter what he did in those days, good thing he always knew he could count on Feliks to make him feel better**

**Warnings: Some violence, strong language, sex**

* * *

The young man's head flung from side to side, silent screams pouring from his mouth. The pain was becoming too much. No, it passed that point long ago. It was unbearable now. His long brown hair clung to his skin from the sweat. His cerulean blue eyes were sqeezued shut, as tight as they possibly could be. No matter what, he refused to look at his captore. The boy would sooner die than let him see how much he was hurting him. He would not give him that satisfaction. Said captore smirked menicingly, his strikes from both wip and fist getting more and more torturous as he continued. To put it simply: this was torture in its most horrific form.

''Liet, Liet look at me. Do you understand now? This is what happens when you disobey me. Understand, da?''

The boy in question opened an eye wearily. He only glanced at the larger man before him, moving back as much as he could into the stone wall he was chained to. His blood has mixed with the vodka that his master had poured on him, forming a bitter sweet pool around his battered legs. The brunette was most definately a sight to behold. Bruises upon bruises, and what wasnt bruised was scared or sliced open.

''M-master Ivan... I understand... Ple-ase, may I g-go?''

His speech cracked as he spoke. It was to be expected really, since he had not been able to even make even a slight sound due to the amount of screaming he had done. His throat was raw and gagging for some form of treatment. A luxory he was most certainly not allowed. Not now.

''Oh Toris, my sweet Toris, you never learn do you?''

With one last crack of his wip, Ivan dropped to his knees, rubbing his victims cheek with mock tenderness. If Toris didnt know better, he'd think the other man was actually giving him sympathy. But he did know better, though, he often wished he didnt. Even though it was a lie, Toris was happier when he didnt know of the Russian's twisted and dark tendencies. It didnt matter that the smile he thought was genuine was fake, at least it was better than this. Mostly since matters could get no worse. The younger Lithuanian boy sunk into the wall, as if trying to merge with it. His eyes half lidded, his mouth open agape as his captore pulled him into a tender kiss. It was always like this. Toris would do something to displease his master, which meant he would be given a beating - of which the severety depended on how bad his 'crime' was - then Ivan would kiss him, carress him and even sometimes fuck him as though nothing had happened. It was all part of the grey-haired man's plan to break him. And what better way to shatter his heart than to confuse it. To twist it and put him through so much pain, only to then act so lovingly after. It was an act fitting of the Devil himself.

''My sweet Liet, I shall take you to your room so you can think about what you've done. No supper for you tonight though i'm afraid, you've been a naughty boy after all.''

/Think about what i've done? Tsk... All I did was say you had a tear in your coat you fucking maniac!/

Of course, Toris would never say such thinks aloud. If this was the punishment for stating a fact as innocent as he had, then the things he wanted so badly to say would most certainly get him killed. And not in a quick and painless way either. Oh no. Ivan was not that kind of man, far from it. Said man un-shackled his captive from the wall, carrying him up to his room, placing him on his bed, his sickeningly sweet smile never leaving his features. A shiver shot up Liet's spine when Ivan patted his head, before swiftly leaving.

As soon as he heard the footsteps fade away into the distance, Toris fell into his mattress, previously unshed tears now pouring from his eyes. His hands clung ever so tightly on his pillow, as though letting go would be fatal to him. He wanted so badly to scream, but no matter how he tried, no sound came from his mouth. All he could do was whisper. Whisper his hatred, his anger, his fear. Which was all the more muffled by his pillow. Maybe that was for the best, since if Ivan were to hear, he would only suffer more. But, there had actually been the odd time Toris had thought about telling his master just how he felt. At least in death, he would be free. But he couldnt do that. Not because he feared death, no, but because he couldnt leave his brothers. Raivis and Eduard needed him. He was their older brother, if he couldnt protect them, who would?

Unknown to the young brunette, outside his room window stood an equally young blonde. His emerald green eyes shining in the moonlight as he began to climb the tree just besides the mansion's wall. He peeked inside the room to see Toris hunched over on his bed, tears seemingly unable to stop. Such sight made the blonde boy's stomach knot.

/That bastard... What did he do to you? Toris... I'm sorry I was gone so long.../

The blonde regained some composer and tried to tap on the window so not to startled the other too much. All attempt was in vain though. Toris was so shaken up, that even the slight tapping on the glass set his heart racing once more. But once his eyes met those of a familiar face, he couldnt help but smile, even if it was only a little.

''F-Feliks...? Is that you?''

His voice was in hushed tone, and he forced himself off the bed. His balance was off. Almost collapsing a few times before he reached the window to allow his friend inside. Feliks then used all the self restraint he could muster not to jump at his friend and pull him into a strong hug. That wouldnt be the best idea, given the situation after all. The Polish boy climbed in through the window as silently as he could, meeting the gaze of his friend once more. And, out of habit, pulled him into a tight hug. Even though the preasure of the hug and the force he was pulled into at made his wounds burn with pain and his newest scars split back open, Toris didn't care. Because he knew with Feliks he was safe. Feliks wasnt afraid to stand up to Ivan, and for his friendship, he was more than grateful. Toris looked up at the slightly taller blonde, tears still glazing over his eyes.

''He hurt you again, didn't he? Oh Toris... i'm so, so sorry.''

Out of habit once more, Feliks pulled the other boy into a gentle, loving kiss. And this time, Toris knew it was genuine. He could trust Feliks, after all, he was his best friend.

The two stayed in each others embrace for a few minutes before Feliks layed Toris on his bed and set to tending to his wounds. That alone took quite a while, since he had so many. Both old and new.

''Tsk, that man doesn't deserve you. You should leave here, you know i'll always help you out!''

''We've been over this Feliks... I can't leave. Eduard and Raivis need me. And they're both too afraid to stand up to Ivan, no matter who takes our side. I'm not leaving them.''

The polis boy sighed. In the many years he'd known Toris, one thing about him had never changed: his loyalty to those close to him. In fact, even after he found out exactly what Ivan was really like, he still styed faithful. That was untill he began hurting the people he cared about. Thats when things changed. And, after all this time, Feliks had never once lost any shred of respect for his best friend. He knows Toris won't leave without his brothers, because he had too big a heart. Without him, the others didn't stand a chance. Toris always took the punishment, and he would gladly accept it over either of the others getting hurt. Thats just the kind of person he is.

Once Feliks had finished taking care of Toris' wounds, he layed besides him. Both boys staring into each others eyes. And it was then that Felik's noticed the change in his friend. His eyes had faded. From the dazzling emereld green they once were, to the dull, lifeless shade they were now. Not a single sparkle in them what so ever. Feliks pulled the other closer to him, carresing his back with one hand, as the other played with his hair.

/I'm so sorry... I should have returned sooner./

Toris' heart sped up slightly. But this time, it was nothing to do with fear. No, it was quite the opposite. His face flushed slightly as images began to play over in his head. Of the days when he and Feliks would spend every second possible together. The days he still smiled, laughed and cheered with complete honesty. The days he would waste on nothing more than being besides the person he loved. But, most of all, the nights he and Feliks would spend alone together. They were limited, but that just made them all the more special. The blonde must have caught on to what he was thinking, as a small smirk crept onto his face. And the hand on his back moved lower, making the brunette squeak in suprise.

''It has been a long time, since I made love to you... Hasn't it?''

''Fe-liks...?''

The blush on the Lithuanian's face only grew redder. Yes, it had been a longtime. Too long in fact.

''Think you can tackle it with all your injuries?''

''I have done before haven't I? With much worse than this too... Just, be gentle..''

Feliks didnt need to be told twice. He shifted so he was hovering over the other, his hands pressed firmly at either side of his head. The two locked in a gentle and tender kiss. Tongues bashing together in a somewhat feeble battle for dominance. Feeble as Feliks always won. Said boy then bit down on his friends lower lip, then immediately began to massage it with his own. This left Toris whimpering below him. And how the Polish boy loved that sound. After a minute or two, they broke for much needed oxygen, before Feliks began his desent onto the brunette's neck. Licking, sucking and biting on every patch of skin he could get to. This to made the other groan and writh in pleasure and anticipation. Feliks finished on his neck and moved lower, leaving butterfly kisses along his bandaged chest and stomach. His hand reached up to grab Liet's, as if to give him extra reasurence. And after he got the go-ahead from his friend, he unbuttoned his pants, slid off his boxers and began licking at his now hard member. Which in turn made Toris moan and buck his hips. Feliks used his free hand to hold his hips down, sucking harder and scraping his teeth along the underside.

''Oh... God! Ah... Fe-...''

But before he could finish, fear struck through him as he started to remember the nights Ivan had done this to him. And he began to thrash around in fear, using what little strengh he had in trying to push Feliks off him.

''No! Stop it! Leave me alone! LEAVE ME ALONE!!''

Feliks was used to sudden break outs like this, but this is the first time he'd done it in such a situation. He grabbed his friends arms, trying to keep him still so not to re-open any wounds.

''Toris, please, sh! He'll hear you!''

''No! Lies, get off me! Help! HELP!''

The brunette struggled as hard as he could, kicking his legs in the arm in order to shake him off. Feliks sat on his upper leg, doing his best to stop the boy from moving, without hurting him in doing so. Said boy was now in complete hysterics, and if he didnt stop soon, someone was bound to hear him. And if that someone was Ivan, both of them were dead.

''Toris, its me! It's Feliks, i'm your friend! Please Toris! I'm not him! I'm not him! I'M NOT HIM! ...I ... I love you!''

Toris slowly eased his actions, eyes blinking, tears staining his cheeks.

''You... love me?''

Feliks nodded, pulling the other into a tight embrace once more, nuzzling his neck and stroking his back.

''Yes, with all my heart Liet. You mean so much to me, I don't know what i'd do without you. And I mean that, completely.''

The other boy sniffled a little, leaning closer into the arms of his friend - now turned lover. Feliks pulled back after a few moments and wiped the remains of tears from Toris's eyes. Kissing where they once were, as well as the corner of his mouth. And when he pulled away, he noticed the small, but still genuine, smile on the Lithuanian's lips. The first time he'd seen him smile that way for so many years, and oh how he loved, no, adored that smile. He gave an equally dazzling smile in return and leaned into whisper in his ear.

''So, can I finish now?''

Toris blushed, but nodded all the same. It didn't take long for Feliks to have both boys completely without clothing, limbs taggled together as they went in for yet another kiss. This time though, more passionate and heated than the last ones. Also, this time it was fueled by not only lust, but love also. The blonde wrapped his lover's legs around his waist, pushing into him slowly at first, but soon picked up speed. But not too much, as he still feared for Toris' well being. He didnt want to ruin it after all by making the boy he loved so dearly shed any more blood than he already had.

''Mmm, Feliks. More.''

Feliks smiled, pushing into him deeper, picking up a little more speed than before. He rocked against him, kissing at his chest, shoulder and neck. Surely leaving marks, but none they couldnt cover with a bandage and say it was a scar from Ivan.

It was moments like this Toris enjoyed the most. This was meaningful. Making love, not fucking. Just how he liked it. And he began to love it more as Felik's hand crept up to massage his aching manhood. Hard, fast and leaving him gagging for more.

''Oh God... Ah!''

''Yes! Liet!''

And it didn't take long for them to both release their seed, collapsing in a heap of tangled limbs and both gasping for breath. They both looked at each other, smiling fondly. Both also knew they couldnt stay like this long. Sun would be up in a few hours, and that was when Ivan did his rounds to check on his 'pets' to make sure they were up. And alone. But that didnt stop Feliks from staying in the arms of his new found lover for as long as he could. Because he was loving, kind and completely loyal to Toris. After all, he was in no way like Ivan. He was never him, and he never will be.


End file.
